By Claiborne Rice
I would vote for a turd sandwich
I would vote for an old pile of dog shit before I would EVER vote for that fat bastard orange Cheetos fuckhead!!!
I would vote for Hitler
If some random dead body or a chimp were on the ballot, well that's who I would vote for
I would vote for any of the Looney Tunes characters
I would vote for the devil
Now, I would vote for a tree stump
I would vote for your donkey
I would vote for a sewer in a suit
I would vote for Mitt Romney
BETTER PRESIDENTS I WOULD VOTE FOR:
1. A flaming bag of poo <Pile of poo>
2. A barrel of radioactive waste <Radioactive sign>
3. A dumpster fire <Fire>
4. A syringe filled with Covid-19 and HIV <Syringe>
5. Any invading alien <Extraterrestrial alien>
6. Any hungry zombie <Man zombie>
7. Joe Biden <Zany face>
I would vote for a half-rotted turnip
They could put an actual lamp post on the Democratic ballot and I would vote for it in November
I would vote for my forklift
I would vote for an old ham sandwich
In fact, I would vote for the cauliflower
I'm independent.... yes a kohlrabi plant would do
I’m not a Democrat, but I would vote for an iguana before what we have now
TBH the dems could put flipper the dolphin on the ticket and I would vote for it
i would vote for a fig newton
Hell Randy I would vote for you or the dude at the burger king drive thru
I would vote for a literal wooden chair
I would vote for a jukebox on roller skates
I would vote for Joe Biden if he shot someone on 5th Avenue
I would vote for Sponge Bob
I would vote for a corpse
I would vote for a traffic cone
I would vote for a turnip right now
I would vote for Lucifer over the current Toddler behind the wheel
I would vote for Biden if he shot ME and called me a lying dog faced pony soldier
I would vote for dog shit
if he were running against a garage can, I would vote for the can
I would vote for a snail
I would vote for my dog
See this bowl with popcorn kernels left over from my snack? I would vote for it
I would vote for a fucking ROCK
i would vote for Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson
I would vote for a dead tree stump
yes it’s not ideal but i would vote for joe biden 600x over
I would vote for a bag of dog shit
I have said I would vote for anyone but who knew a frozen meat product would be such a good choice?!
I would vote for a fucking pine tree at this point
I would vote for Lucifer
I would vote for a sandwich
I would vote for my dog
I would vote for my dog Biscuit!
I would vote for Donald Duck
I would vote for Raymond Davis’s turtle
If there were a literal rock running in November, I would vote for it
I would vote for a sponge
(I would vote for Toe Fungus)
i would vote for ronald mcdonald
I would vote for a fucking ham sandwich
I would vote for a blind and deaf dog
I will vote for my dog
i would vote for a rock
I would vote for a literal pile of dog shit
I would vote for a cob of corn
I would vote for my dog
I would vote for a pyramid shaped stack of empty beer cans
I would vote for a flaming bag of shit
I would vote for a striped ass baboon
I would vote for a moist sock
I would vote for my cat
I would vote for a potato
I would vote for Daffy Duck
I would vote for Howdy Doody
I don’t care if the democratic nominee is a bowl of soup I would vote for that ANY DAY
I was eating some toast for dinner & it reminded me of all of the things I would vote for
I would vote for your dog
i would vote for a tree stump
I would vote for a sock
I would vote for THIS [pic of "boneless pork rectums, inverted"]
I would vote for Bobo the Clown
I would vote for Biden's false teeth
I would vote for a can of creamed corn
I would vote for #COVID19
I would vote for the head of the horse in the hollywood director's bed in the godfather
I would vote for Rumpelstiltskin
a spider plant
a flightless wren
a burnt moth
testicular dust
anything really
I would vote for your dog
*Twitter search on "I would vote for", April 13 through April 1, 2020.
Dr. Claiborne Rice is Associate Professor of English at the University of Louisiana at Lafayette. He has published articles on cognitive linguistics and poetics. His book on folk illusions, co-authored with Brandon Barker, appeared from Indiana University Press in 2019. It is the first study of the traditions of childhood illusion play.